Tuesday, January 29, 2008

2nd post of the day..

ok ok ok...so i admit i am quite excited about the gathering with my primary skoolmates..
although ive been telling jayson tht i dun feel like going coz of my "gorgeous" body figure...which is true...but heck! who cares!!

anyway...so i was digging some boxes looking for some photos i took during primary skool days...
i accidently saw mum n dad's pictures...some that i never ever seen be4..

so my mum was a beauty...n she still is in many ways...but she's getting old...really old...
and my dad is as charming as any other guys...if he was younger i might even fall for him, for he was also a sweet talker...a liar my mum calls him...
mum looked happy in the photos...maybe so was dad, but because of wat i already know about him, something tells me it wasnt real.
one thing for sure, he loves me...not enough, sadly...

looking through mum's pictures...she almost had it, and she deserves to be happy....to have a complete family...
and also from the pictures, i could see, i was her only hope... and happiness.
suddenly i realise, i hadnt really forgave my father...
i always tell ppl, "its alrite, its so long ago, it doesnt affect me much, so there's nothing to forgive"
truth is, forgettin doesnt mean forgiving...n i surely havent forgive him yet.
not because of wat he had done to me, but to mum....
i can almost feel the pain mum used to have...
i mean, how could he? what went wrong? wasnt mum good enough for him?

maybe tht is y i fear...
fear of being cheated...
fear of losing something that i love...
and the more i fear, the more obsess i become...

1 comment:

Jean said...

Too bad that I cannot go to the gathering..>.<
I will go back to Kuantan with my mum tomorrow~
Hope will have chance to meet up again.Lol